resort_link | Audio

[That's one of the worst thoughts that can abruptly enter someone's mind prior to a serious discussion about a traumatic experience. Kay's room, however, is pretty spartan and utilitarian, the same level of "comfort" as any room at the resort. ]

[There is an acoustic guitar propped up against the far wall and a couple of old detective novels on the table by his bed. He pulls up a chair and sits down.]

So you were telling me what happened with the bombs?

Yes. [He runs his hand through his thinning hair. It wasn't something he'd spoken of before, not since the events occurred. He's never taken the time to consider what he thinks or feels about what happened, just ran from one crisis to another.]

The terrorist hit the Academy first. Twenty six dead in all, mostly alien students and some Gallifreyans as well. I was assigned to investigate, but it was...complicated. I suspected that one of my own operatives might have been behind it, without my knowledge. [Under orders from Darkel with the power over the CIA that he'd given her.]

The president decided to evacuate the alien students, but the terrorist stuck again at the scaphe port. That one was...worse. We couldn't count the bodies; there wasn't enough of them left intact. [His voice is expressionless, his affect flat as he talks about it. Carefully constructed detachment so his memories and emotions do not consciously intersect.]

[Kay makes himself comfortable and listens, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. He's pretty sure at this point that Time Lords don't have any way to deal with PTSD. Considering how Narvin reacts at the implication of having biological ancestry, whether it's related to vestigial body parts or being descended from something that wasn't over-processed and methodically designed.]

[Having to admit your head was fucked up? Probably not all that of a great thing.]

What actually happened? Was your operative responsible?

No, thank Rassilon. [Bad enough that the terrorist got access to CIA codes through Darkel, but at least it wasn't one of his own. That would be an extra level of culpability he didn't think he could take, if the terrorist were someone who was right under his nose the whole time.]

It wasn't an anti-alien extremest either, much to our surprise. It was a media commentator, a man named Antimon who had been indoctrinated into the ideology of a terrorist organization called Free Time. He targeted the students merely because he knew it would cause the maximum amount of outrage and political chaos. In that, he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams, even though he was killed before he saw the results of his efforts come to fruition.

I was his last bombing victim. Somehow, I survived.

So now you're pretty piss scared of being held indirectly responsible. [He doesn't think he's afraid of the bombs- not any more than any other person is. He doesn't particularly want to be standing on one but he wouldn't be in a rush to get to bombing sites, but rather that he doesn't want to be responsible through inaction if something happens.]

And I take it your people don't do much about PTSD, that sort of thing? [As he assumes, but he asks the question almost more as a formality than anything else.]

We don't succumb to PTSD. [That is the official line. And like many CIA official lines, it isn't true.] Not operatives of the Celestial Intervention Agency. We are highly trained in mental partitioning.

But...yes. Even if Quadratus is technically not in my jurisdiction, I don't want to see any more innocent deaths happen on my watch, not if I can help it.

Bullshit. You don't have this partitioned at all. [Official lines aren't very good lines, Kay finds most of the time. He's frequently responsible for dreaming them up to hand off to humans none the wiser.] It's definitely there and living in denial of it is actually gonna put more people at risk 'cause your more prone to irrational judgement. Like I said, you got too many ideas attached to this.

[He gets up, dusting off his hands as goes.] How do you take your tea?

[Narvin's eyes widen at Kay, startled. That's a bluntness rarely seen in Time Lords. He doesn't know how to respond. But tea, he can answer that question.]

Hot. Milk and one sugar.

[At least at that Kay looks a little kinder, despite the harshness to his words. Kinder in his own way, anyway. He goes over to the spawner and starts fiddling with settings, and puts in a cup.]

Tea will be quicker this way but the milk and sugar I'm going to use natural. Hope you don't mind.

Juice from a creature's mammary gland, you mean? Why not? [He still finds natural food a bit disturbing, but after Kay's description of dactyl eggs, milk and sugar doesn't sound quite so bad in comparison.]

Hypothetically speaking, if a person did have a form of PTSD, how would that person eliminate it? [Narvin is thinking of it almost as a virus to be purged from a computer system.]

See, look at that. You'll be being adventurous. [He starts making the tea, considering a way to answer Narvin's question. The problem is while Narvin was obviously deeply affected by what happened with his past, he's also an alien. He knows how to treat it as a human, how to avoid it, but in an alien? Especially one in denial, and at that for racial reasons.]

[He returns with the cup and offers it to Narvin.] Yeah, I do. The problem is that my PTSD expertise is with humans. So if you take an alien that, say, takes its experiences and segments them off into their own portion of their brain but then has to call upon them to solve certain problems then whatever survival mechanisms their ancestors developed would be what you'd have to consider most there. What their fight or flight is based on.

But that requires said alien admitting that they got some root in some real ancestry and they didn't pop out of the sea on a seashell the practical vision of perfection.

Adventurous? Only when left with no other options. [But he will boldly drink this milky tea since only natural milk is available.

He listens to Kay's explanation, what he knows, what he'd need to know further about how Gallifreyan minds function. Purses his lips for a moment. Thinks further.]

It was Rassilon's Foundry we popped out of. Not a seashell. [He says with deadpan cheekiness.]

What aspects of this hypothetical alien's neural development and physiology would you need to know?

[He takes Kay's point, but he still can't quite phrase it in evolutionary terms. Instead, he still speaks mostly of the present, the form they're in now as if they've always been that way.]

Well, for one dietary necessities and poisonous substances can give a good clue of their evolutionary diet- especially if you weigh it against what they have on their planet. That and whether they were prey or predators. Isolated or moved in packs or herds.

You know you can just say you. I already said that I wouldn't go wavin' it around. [He makes an idle gesture.] Separating yourself from it isn't gonna do you much good. The problem with trauma in any species is that when you go through an experience you desperately want to survive. Someone more aware knows how to turn that off when they have survived and the immediate threat has been neutralyzed. But those that suffer afterwards don't know how to turn it off, a part of their brain is always in survival mode.

You're not turning it off. You're just shovin' it off to the side.

Our digestive systems can process almost anything if necessary, but for optimum nutrition we need a high protein diet. But we absolutely cannot eat foods with a high concentration of salicylic acid. We can't process the chemical so even a small amount is fatally toxic.

[He thinks of how much he should say, taps his fingers against his leg.]

Our evolutionary ancestors lived in packs and were probably telepathically linked. They are known as...well...I suppose the Gallifreyan word for them wouldn't mean anything to you.

Predatory, then. Pack behavior.

[He's better at criminal psychology, really. What would motivate someone to act defensively. He also, as an MiB agent, has to keep an eye out for agents that might make mistakes, or can't take it anymore.]

[Actually treating it, though? He's not exactly the sympathetic listening type. He's the intimidating listening type.]

[Still, he's the one with the trust here. That says something.]

When you're lookin' for threats, who are your first suspects? And with the psychic connections is there any chance that sort of suspicion can spread, be exaggerated by the others around you?

[Narvin does a tiny inclination of his head, acknowledging that Kay's guess is correct. He doesn't say anything more, however, or offer further details. It's a bit embarrassing for a race who claims to be above violence and savagery to be descended from flesh eating carnivores.]

I suspect everyone. Back home I don't even trust my own people any more. Too many betrayals. It's a much shorter list to say who aren't my initial suspects.

[He rests his fingers on his lips for a moment, considering the psychic angle.]

These days Gallifreyans are trained from a young age to keep their minds separate, individual. My telepathic shields are strong. No shields are perfect so I can't discount the possibility, but I would say that very little leaks in or out of my mind.

Well, that's a plus anyway. It means whatever bothers you is probably all yours so that way it's easier to handle.

No, no. I mean [he makes a motion in the air.] It's important. Who would you suspect more than others.

Well...outsiders, I suppose. On Gallifrey that would mean aliens. But here, everyone's an alien. [And it has him just a little on edge all the time. This feeling he can't quite shake of being constantly surrounded by potential hostiles.]

[Yeah, he's going to need coffee for this. He starts tending to that, trying to hide his bit of exasperation at the idea that aliens can be the only potential hostiles. The MiB has to watch out for threatening humans as well, even if they're left mostly to human law enforcement communities.]

Including you. [He says that first, filling up his cup and putting some sugar in it.] Actually, you're the alien in this case, more than most of the people that live here.

So are all of us more suspect to you than the "natives"?

More like non-Gallifreyans are more suspect than Gallifreyans...or aliens I know very well. [He adds, thinking of Leela. He trusts Leela completely, alien or not.]

And, yes, I know it isn't virtuous of me [He's been told off by Leela and Romana enough times], but I know my people. I understand them. If a Gallifreyan is up to no good, chances are I know what motivates them and how they think, how they plan. Dangerous as a renegade Time Lord can be, they aren't unknown. Aliens are more difficult to predict. I feel I can never be sure what they want.

Aliens are easy enough to predict if you know what their motivations are. Survival at the most basic, but a lot of aliens want to accumulate things. Some just want to get by, but the ones that want to accumulate make it hard on 'em. Whether it's something intangible like power or resources.

Ambassadors have both.

People want something, no matter what species they are. They can go through legal means, but even I know sometimes that can hold you up from taking care of a problem. Even make it damn well impossible. So they take a short cut.

So, think real hard on it. You know there was an explosion. You know there's a peace conference. You reacted. But you reacted and missed something real important- what was that?

[He sits and waits for Narvin to answer, just stirring his coffee for now.]

[Narvin thinks for a moment, tries to put aside his preconceptions that an alien terrorist must be behind it, and reviews the facts in his head.]

If it is a terrorist, strange that they haven't claimed responsibility for the attacks nor made demands. Strange, but not completely unheard of. [Antimon hadn't made demands, nor claimed responsibility for the attacks. His sole goal was chaos.]

But even stranger is that the explosion was outside the fence. Far from the ambassadors, no buildings nearby, no civilians, nothing. So either it was a warning shot, meant to prove only that he or she has access to explosives but not do any real damage, or the terrorist is inept, or it wasn't a terrorist at all.

And this is why snap judgement could cause more problems.

[Kay makes an apologetic motion with his free hand, taking a sip of coffee with the other before he speaks again.] Honestly all I can tell you is past experience is what's important and past emotion is what fucks you up. Eventually you gotta learn to detach yourself, even if you were hurt, or someone you cared about was hurt. If you want something deeper, I'm gonna need a little bit of time to look into it.

[That is an odd thing to throw in there, considering Narvin hasn't shown much evidence that he's directly cared about anyone except his President and that on a level of loyalty. But there it is.]

Have you tried to find out much about where and when the people here come from? Not just as suspects- I mean, some of 'em, you put higher technology in their hands, and they learn quick. [He motions to himself.]

This sounds like the voice of experience. Were you or someone you cared for once hurt? [He reaches for his teacup but just holds it in his hands for now, not sipping. It's very warm against his chill palms.]

I've observed all the guests here. I know a little about their backgrounds, what era they're from. All things that are public knowledge, overheard conversations in public areas or on the network. I can't find much more without hacking into computers and [Op, he's talking to the head of security.] that's illegal, of course.

[He could also learn things by talking to people, he supposes, but that has never been the type of spying he's good at. Give him a secured file to crack and he'll break through it. But talking to people, that's difficult and he's convinced that he more likely to make enemies that way than gain information.]

[He doesn't even respond to that. Both are accurate, really. Serleena murdered Laurana, and while he deprived himself of the memory he always felt the hate and the bitterness. Alpha- well, Alpha might be the only individual that can truly make him nigh on irrational with the level of hate he experiences when he sees him]

Yeah, that's pretty illegal. [He raises a brow.]

And what have you figured out? [He asks as if he hasn't been watching, himself.]

[Private]

Spam (cw: terrorism attack aftermath)

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