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[what_ho_jeeves]

About that Squick mentioned in yon broadcast...

Hypothetically, if a chap wanted to acquire some, for wholly innocent purposes of self-defense from a beazel intent on marriage and who shall not be dissuaded by other means, how would one go about it? Is there a secret knock or some such?

[Bertie does not have the first idea how illegal drug purchasing works. He thinks that Squick is probably roughly like alcohol in the States: technically not legal but no one but the stuffiest of the stuffy cared if one partook of a snifter or two.]

Comments

[vengeance_driven]

Bertie, you don't want to do that. Is bad advice to take those things.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh, you're familiar with the blighters? Do they not work as advertised?

[vengeance_driven]

No, I just know people on drugs. You shouldn't try it. Is bad for you.

If you want to make a girl not interested in you just tell her that you're gay. She'll probably believe it.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Yes, many have described Bertram Wooster as a gay bachelor, full of vim and something.

But why would that put her off? [Bertie is very perplexed.] A great many fillies appreciate a man of jollity and joie de vivre.

[vengeance_driven]

That is not what I mean- I mean that you would rather [Ugh, something about Bertie makes this feel really dirty.] you would rather marry other men. [There, that's better than his previous explanation.]

Whatever, just... don't try the stuff. Is bad for you.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Is that allowed? [This is not a thing Bertie has heard of before.]

Right-o, Nikkie. I shall take your word upon the matter, even though it would be dashed useful for getting rid of certain Cling fillies, not to mention Bassetts and Glossops and Crayes and ex-fiancees of all sorts.

[vengeance_driven]

In some countries.

Not the ones I've lived in but I have seen it, it happens. [His world kind of sucks though so his information might be unreliable. It might be legal in more places where Bertie lives.]

...If you didn't say those were exes I would think those were fish.

[what_ho_jeeves]

I say, you know everything Nikkie. I would never have guessed.

Wait a moment, does that mean when the vicar does his bit, after the "do yous" and all the rest, does he say "I now pronounce thee man and man?"

[Bertie still wrapping his head around how this works. The living in domestic bliss afterwards is relatively easy for him to imagine, but the actual wedding bit has him hung up.]

If Madeleine, Honoria, and Florence were fish they would be the fierce predatory sort of fish whom, once they grab hold of prey with their strong jaws, never release it. There are fish like that, yes? Jeeves likes to fish, you see, but I'm not keen on the sport so I only pay mind with half an ear when he starts going on about the mighty tarpon and all the rest.

[vengeance_driven]

I think they probably call each other what they want. If they want to be man and wife, they can do that. Most people I know come up with their own marriage words, anyway [vows, Niko]. My cousin Roman did at his, and he was marrying a woman even.

[Oh... man... that takes him a bit to work through. He needs to think on it.] Ah... Well, maybe. But you're rich and that is just how people are with [dumb] rich people. But it doesn't matter what you do or what you say. You might not want to hurt a lady's feelings but in the end it is worse than taking something that could make you sick after time.

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[ewestmarch]

A beazel?

[what the hell's a beazel.]

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[what_ho_jeeves]

You know, a filly, a member of the fair sex, the distaff of the species.

[Bertie fails at normal words.]

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[ewestmarch]

You could just call a woman a woman.

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[what_ho_jeeves]

I suppose I could do, but the word...I'm not sure about it. It seems so lacking in colour and zest. And it doesn't entirely make sense to me. I know what a "man" is, but what is a "wo" and where the blazes did that bit come from and how does it denote a person of female persuasion?

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[ewestmarch]

Can't say for whatever language you're using. Look it up.

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[what_ho_jeeves]

Right-o.

Can you point me to where a dictionary might be? Normally I'd just ask Jeeves where the word comes from, Jeeves knows dashed near everything, but as he's not here I suppose I'll just have to find out the old fashioned way.

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[ewestmarch]

Library's on the fourth floor. Haven't you been here longer than me?

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[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh. It never occurred to me that a dictionary might be in the library.

[It really didn't.]

[folkscallmewander]

No idea, really. If ya ask aroun' y'can find some eventually, but I think it's a matter of askin' the right people.

[He would totally volunteer to do that, though he's pretty sure he'll have to end up talking to folks that may have criminal backgrounds. Not that he's afraid of them, but Sylvia would be much better at handling this if she were here.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Bertie considers this solemnly, thinking again of Prohibition in New York.]

If you ask the wrong people...person, do you get dragged before the magistrate before whom to give a false name, pay a fine, and then are set loose? Because it's dashed inconvenient when that happens.

So I've been told.

[folkscallmewander]

Think it depends on where you are. We never got captured by actual police, mostly because we weren't breaking any laws, so I can't answer your question there.

...Does this place have a magistrate?

[what_ho_jeeves]

I think that every place has some sort of magistrate. Except for Antarctica, the magistrates would have a devil of a time getting there and the court would be perpetually snowed in.

[folkscallmewander]

Somethin' needs to be done 'bout Antarctica then. Poor folks probably need some actual leader to guide them in their harsh environment.

Maybe they got magistrates where you're from? I don' recall every planet havin' one.

[what_ho_jeeves]

I don't believe Antarctica has many people. If there were, old Scott would not have had such a dashed terrible time of it there. He could have knocked on a door, handed his card and said "What ho, just passing through and it's rather cold out. Mind if I come in for a drop of tea?"

There are many magistrates in England, however. They are all dour chaps, from my experience, with grey hair and scowling faces and all too eager to blame a fellow of the worst sorts of offenses when he was only having a spot of fun. After all, no harm was done to that policeman by the borrowing of his helmet.

[folkscallmewander]

I'm guessin' Antarctica doesn't get many visitors. Scott a travelin' friend o' yours?

Sounds like your magistrates could lean t'loosen up a little. There's a lotta more important stuff they can worry 'about instead of goin' after innocent folks wearin' hats.

After all, there's nothin' wrong with havin' a little fun if no harm is done.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Good heavens, no. I was still a boy in short pants when Captain Scott's ill-fated expedition met its solemn and tragic end with heroic stoicism. He was trying to get to the South Pole, you see, only the dashed thing was, someone else had got there first.

I don't think anyone else has been back since. As I understand, there's not much to recommend to it, just snow and ice.

But I wholeheartedly concur that the magistrates cannot recognize a bit of good fun when they see it, and should spend more time putting away the true menaces of society and leave be the innocent young chaps who only stole a silver cow creamer because their aunts threatened to cast them out and never allow them to taste the cooking of that chef superb, Anatole, again unless the young chaps did as they were told.