Video

[what_ho_jeeves]

About that Squick mentioned in yon broadcast...

Hypothetically, if a chap wanted to acquire some, for wholly innocent purposes of self-defense from a beazel intent on marriage and who shall not be dissuaded by other means, how would one go about it? Is there a secret knock or some such?

[Bertie does not have the first idea how illegal drug purchasing works. He thinks that Squick is probably roughly like alcohol in the States: technically not legal but no one but the stuffiest of the stuffy cared if one partook of a snifter or two.]

Comments

[what_ho_jeeves]

Yes, many have described Bertram Wooster as a gay bachelor, full of vim and something.

But why would that put her off? [Bertie is very perplexed.] A great many fillies appreciate a man of jollity and joie de vivre.

[vengeance_driven]

That is not what I mean- I mean that you would rather [Ugh, something about Bertie makes this feel really dirty.] you would rather marry other men. [There, that's better than his previous explanation.]

Whatever, just... don't try the stuff. Is bad for you.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Is that allowed? [This is not a thing Bertie has heard of before.]

Right-o, Nikkie. I shall take your word upon the matter, even though it would be dashed useful for getting rid of certain Cling fillies, not to mention Bassetts and Glossops and Crayes and ex-fiancees of all sorts.

[vengeance_driven]

In some countries.

Not the ones I've lived in but I have seen it, it happens. [His world kind of sucks though so his information might be unreliable. It might be legal in more places where Bertie lives.]

...If you didn't say those were exes I would think those were fish.

[what_ho_jeeves]

I say, you know everything Nikkie. I would never have guessed.

Wait a moment, does that mean when the vicar does his bit, after the "do yous" and all the rest, does he say "I now pronounce thee man and man?"

[Bertie still wrapping his head around how this works. The living in domestic bliss afterwards is relatively easy for him to imagine, but the actual wedding bit has him hung up.]

If Madeleine, Honoria, and Florence were fish they would be the fierce predatory sort of fish whom, once they grab hold of prey with their strong jaws, never release it. There are fish like that, yes? Jeeves likes to fish, you see, but I'm not keen on the sport so I only pay mind with half an ear when he starts going on about the mighty tarpon and all the rest.

[vengeance_driven]

I think they probably call each other what they want. If they want to be man and wife, they can do that. Most people I know come up with their own marriage words, anyway [vows, Niko]. My cousin Roman did at his, and he was marrying a woman even.

[Oh... man... that takes him a bit to work through. He needs to think on it.] Ah... Well, maybe. But you're rich and that is just how people are with [dumb] rich people. But it doesn't matter what you do or what you say. You might not want to hurt a lady's feelings but in the end it is worse than taking something that could make you sick after time.

[what_ho_jeeves]

You mean...the only reason they are set on ankling it down the church aisle with Wooster B. is on account of my being oofy?

[His eyebrows draw together in a touch of puppy dog sadness. Not that he wants the ladies to be genuinely madly in love with him (that would mean that not marrying them would break their hearts and hurt their feelings all the more, and he doesn't want that), but he feels a funny little twinge in his chest at the thought that people only want him around for his money, not for his wit, charm, and strong character.]

[vengeance_driven]

Sorry, friend. That's most likely what they're after. Is one bad thing that comes with being rich. It's not like many bad thing does, though. [Bad things, Niko.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Bertie considers this for a while.]

It is true that Oofy Prosser never complains about his oof. And without it, I would never have been able to hire Jeeves. I don't actually know what I pay him; he deals with all my financial whatsits including his salary, but I'm sure he's worth a sizable sum. A few of my friends at the Drones have offered to pay him double whatever I'm paying him if he'll hand me the mitten and go work for them instead, but Jeeves is a loyal chap and does not stray from the young master.

[vengeance_driven]

[The only thing Niko gets for certain from this is that Bertie probably homosexual. But he needs to listen to Jeffer's Serbo-croatian translation to be sure.]

Hold on, I need to check something.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Right-o. [And Bertie waits, with a pleasant and empty-headed expression on his face.]

probably is^ up there. Niko makes tiny words escape me.

[vengeance_driven]

[Now that he's listened to it?] I am pretty sure you can very safely use this first excuse I mentioned. I do not think it would even be a fib.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Do you think it will work on the Cling filly? [Klingon. He means Klingon.]

[vengeance_driven]

Cling?

[He thinks it's someone's last name.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Tall girl. Very tall, looks like she'd be a terror on the rugger field. Powerful throw as well. Unusual forehead, although I don't like to mention it in case she's sensitive about it. [He hasn't figured out that it's a racial trait yet.]

[vengeance_driven]

Oh yeah, her.

...Probably.

That or be nice to her. I don't think she likes polite gentlemen. She is probably already interested in someone else. She talked to me, too.

[what_ho_jeeves]

I shall be the soul of courtesy.

I say, do you think perhaps she is trying to make her certain special someone jealous? Perhaps he's been a bit slow out the gate and she is trying to spur him on, get the chap to commit.

TY Dreamwidth for not making my replies or my notifs show up.

[vengeance_driven]

No, I just think she likes humans for whatever reason. I don't know why. I barely do, and I am one!

[what_ho_jeeves]

I think they're all right, except for the Spodes of the world. But I suppose we must take the Spodes with the Jeeveses.

[He nods thoughtfully. Bertie's trying to get philosophical now.]

[vengeance_driven]

Ah, Bertie. But there is very much Spode, and very little Jeeveses...es. [He forgot where that was supposed to end so he threw on an extra to be sure.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Ah, but one Jeeveses [wait, plural and "one" don't go together...oh well] can make up for a hundred Spodes.

[vengeance_driven]

You really like your Jeeveses.

[He just goes with it.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

There is much to like about Jeeveses.

I hope you have a Jeeves in your life. Not a real Jeeves, obviously, for there is only the one Jeeves, but a...what is the word...metaphysical...metamorphic...metaphorical, that's the chap, a metaphorical Jeeves.

[vengeance_driven]

No.

[Flatly.]

Only Spodes.

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Bertie's mouth pulls down in an expression of sympathetic horror.]

Bleh, all Spodes and no Jeeveses. No wonder you think ill of your common man. I daresay I would too if the common man were nothing but Spodes as far as the eye could see.

[He shudders dramatically at the thought, imagining an army of Spodes in black shorts goose-stepping down the streets of Totleigh-in-the-Wold.]

May you find your Jeeves, Nikkie, to thwart and flummox the Spode army.