Video and Text

[what_ho_jeeves]

What ho, what ho, what ho, guests all!

Back home, I was a writer of sorts, and upon occasion I turned my talents to the aid of my Aunt Dahlia for her magazine, writing fashion tips and the like. Yes, I am the author of "What the Well-Dressed Man is Wearing This Season." And, since the season has changed, I thought to try my hand at it again.

[Text]

Now that the winter season is upon us, it is time to bundle up warmly, but this is no reason to set fashion aside. On the contrary, the layers and textures of winter clothes allow for great opportunities to display one's haute designs. Aubergine is the colour of the season this year, so you cannot go wrong adding an aubergine hat to your ensemble, or a fine wool aubergine scarf. For the more daring, try a Drazi purple sash. To keep warm on the chilly nights, consider a Creeper-inspired green parka, or, for a sleeker look, a Centauri military-style overcoat. Under all circumstances, do not wear white.

Comments

[quixotically]

[There's a pause as Elle works out what happened here. And then another pause as she tries to figure out how, exactly, to explain what "cool" means in this context.]

Oh. No, "cool" as in... hip? The most fashionable, neato thing. Like... The height of cool?

[what_ho_jeeves]

Hip?

[As far as Bertie is concerned, "hip" is a body part. Neato is slightly more intelligible, although he would have thought that one would write it neat-o, as in right-o.]

Do you mean corking, the real tabasco, deevie?

[quixotically]

[Uh

She remembers Bertie using "corking" in a similar context as "cool." But that's the only one of those that she remembers.

So.]

Yeah I think so.

[what_ho_jeeves]

I'm jolly glad that's all cleared up!

[...]

What were we discussing?

[quixotically]

Colors, and fashion, and if any shade of purple would be okay, or if it's just the ones with the funny names you mentioned. And, why purple?

[what_ho_jeeves]

You must only wear darker shades of purple, for the most part. Periwinkle and lavender are Spring colours.

As for why purple, because it is a fine colour. Regal. One of my favourites.

[quixotically]

Fair enough.

What makes one color a "spring" color and another one a "winter" color?? Why isn't any color fine to wear whenever?

[what_ho_jeeves]

It's against the rules. You know, don't wear tweed in the metrop, don't wear a morning jacket in the evening or an evening jacket in the morning, don't wear white after September. It's like the Ten Commandments. There isn't a why about it, it simply is.

[quixotically]

Those must be rules of your world or something... I don't think anybody follows any rules like that where I'm from. At least, I haven't heard of anything like that before. Seems kinda weird.

But the "why" of the Ten Commandments is because they're what's morally right or something, isn't it? I don't know a whole lot about religion, but that's how I understood it, anyway... So there IS a "why" for that, at least.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Yes, the thou shalt not kill and shalt not steal are pretty clear, and certainly good rules to live by, but I have never understood the bit about no graven images or likenesses. What is immoral about pictures? Well, some pictures are immoral, of course, but I shall not mention those. But all images? It seems a bit extreme if you ask me.

[What Bertie thinks of as "probably immoral pictures" are really quite tame by anyone else's standards.]

[quixotically]

Yeah... I didn't really get that one, either. But I was able to ask the person who gave me the book. He said that it was about idolatry? So it meant that you're not supposed to worship the image of any other god that wasn't THE God. That's how I remember it, anyway. So like... No shrines to evil toasters, or anything.

[Elle wishes that example was less random than it looks.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Why doesn't the Commandment just say it that way, then? That would be dashed easier to understand. "Thou shalt not establish shrines to evil toasters."

Also a bit repetitive. I should think that would be covered under the prior Commandment of "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Including gods of evil toasters.

[quixotically]

I have no idea. I guess that's just how they talked back then.

I really wish I pulled the shrine to an evil toaster thing out of my imagination. But I've actually seen it. I know that toaster.

[what_ho_jeeves]

You know an evil toaster god?

Is his "bread"th of evil a match for Beelzebub?

[quixotically]

[He can't hear it, but Elle laughs.]

He likes to think it is. But he doesn't really have legs. Or arms. So there isn't a whole lot of evil he can get up to.

We're all very grateful.