Video: When Props Attack

[timesbureaucrat]

[The communicator comes on with the sound of a hard crack, like the buttons are being smacked instead of pushed. The communicator bounces with the force of the blow.

On the screen, Narvin is looking wild-eyed and hair askew. He swears in Gallifreyan and runs a frustrated hand over his head.

Well, now that the communicator is on, he might as well explain.]

One of those vile pests has got into my room. If there's an exterminator around, I would pay good emeralds to see the blasted thing put out of my misery. I last saw it disguising itself as a communicator, but where or what it is now...

[He scans the room, sees something moving out of the corner of his eye.]

No don't--! [And runs off chasing after the Prop, communicator still on, but left on the table.]

Comments

[vengeance_driven]

Vile pests? The stuff that looks like other stuff?

That's real?

[frontier_doktor]

I could come and put a box over it and... take it somewhere?

[Because he doesn't want to see anything hurt. That includes Narvin hurting himself.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin shouts from off screen.]

It most certainly is real. Lamentably real.

[Then he leaps back into the video frame, chasing--and catching--a pair of very Victorian looking long underwear. He's throttling one leg while the other is smacking him in the face, trying to get away.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Something out of sight of the video crashes loudly and Narvin swears again. He pauses in his chase to poke his head back at the communicator. His curly hair looks like it's about to acquire sentience of its own.]

Oh, do feel free to try. I warn you that the [He spits out a few Gallifrey words.] is difficult to catch and hold onto.

[tawarwaith]

[Tauriel appears mildly frazzled, and her long hair is in disarray, thanks to having come out of reverie with two such creatures trying to tug out swathes of her hair.]

How is it exactly they are to be exterminated?

[ewestmarch]

You're trying to catch it with your hands?

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin glances over her image, gives a very brief, wry eyebrow twitch of "you too, huh" and huffs out a frustrated sigh.]

I'm not sure yet. I tried shooting it with my staser, but they're very fast. [And Narvin has a few scorch marks on his walls now.] So I gave up on that method and am trying something less destructive to my room.

[The "less destructive" part is debatable, however. In Narvin's growing obsession to catch the thing, and its drive to not be caught, his usually tidy room is a mess of knocked over furniture, torn down curtains, and belongings scattered across the floor.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Well I'm not going to try to catch it with my feet.

[vengeance_driven]

[Oh jesus he sees what Narvin has loose in his room now.]

Is it your fucking underwear that it is being? [ Which the mild shock of the idea of one's boxers spontaneously moving ebbs as another thought strikes him.]

...That's big underwear.

[frontier_doktor]

Do you live in the hotel? Where should I go?

[He is actually going to try to go and catch a pair of underwear with a box. If it is a pair of underwear by the time he gets there.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin gives him a chilly glare, spots of red appearing on his cheeks.]

My underwear is just the size it's supposed to be.

[Rassilon's ghost, this is the worst argument to have in public.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[A physician's tasks are never boring.]

Yes, I live in the resort. Top floor allowed to guests, just below the ambassadors' suites.

Come quickly. Gassing my room with a makeshift chlorine bomb is starting to look increasingly appealing.

[vengeance_driven]

I didn't think that it was that cold out. [They look like thermals to him!]

Do you know if they're easy to kill yet? If ah... not easy to catch?

[frontier_doktor]

[Even if he rather wishes they were.] Alright, I'll be there. [And he heads out, swearing up ad down at himself at the possibilities that he might have gotten himself into.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Cold has nothing to do with it. How else are underthings supposed to look? [These are perfectly normal undergarments as far as he's concerned.]

I don't know how to kill them yet. This one hasn't turned into anything large, so unless they have an exoskeleton of biosteel I don't imagine they'd be...[He chokes a little as a leg of underwear wraps around his neck. Then switches to his respiratory bypass to finish his sentence.] ...too difficult to kill.

[He switches from throttling the thing to trying to pull it away from his throat. It takes advantage of the shift in his grip to escape again.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Make sure you don't let it out when you arrive. [The last thing Narvin wants is for his underwear to go tearing off down the hallway.]

[vengeance_driven]

We wear less most of the time.

[He'll just say that. But then he watches said underwear attack Narvin.]

[This is not a thing he would ever think he would see in his life.]

Believe it or not I am genuinely sorry for your problem. [He can't think if a person alive or semi-alive deserves that.] If you figure out if they can die? You should say so.

Shall we be unsuccessful so Narvin can have a comedy of errors with someone else, too?

[frontier_doktor]

[Visscher isn't exactly a trained animal trapper, so he hasn't thought this through. But he suspects the box he's chosen can hold most of the things it can potentially change into.]

Hallo. [He calls as he raps lightly on the door.]

Sounds good to me!

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin crab walks backwards to the door, keeping his eyes on the pair of underwear that's currently lying still and innocent-looking on the floor. If it hadn't been choking him just a few minutes ago, he might have thought it was a real pair of underwear.]

It's not moving, so I'm going to open the door a crack. As soon as you're through, I'll slam it closed.

[Narvin reaching up behind him, takes his gaze off the Prop for just a moment to find the doorknob and opens the door with a creak.

As if startled by the sound, his underwear takes off like a flash, through the cracked open door. Narvin slams his hand on the floor as it passes, trying to pin it, but it's too fast for him.]

Visscher, get it!

[timesbureaucrat]

[This time Narvin's burning glare is directed at the Prop, not Niko.]

Oh, I shall. With relish.

[If it weren't so barbaric, he'd consider pinning its corpse to his door as a trophy and a warning to all other Props to stay out.

And if it weren't for the fact that it looks exactly like his underwear and pinning underwear to his door might give people the wrong idea.]

[thumbsdown]

[Boone hasn't had to deal with the props yet. That's probably just as well, because Rex would trash the place chasing them. As for killing them... Boone isn't sure how. At least he doesn't have any hair for them to pull out.]

Anyone actually know how to kill those things yet?

[It looks like they're hard to catch, but even if Narvin caught it there would be no point unless he could get rid of it somehow. Otherwise, it would no doubt just escape again.]

[ewestmarch]

Don't you know any area of effect spells?

[timesbureaucrat]

I'm a technician, not a magician. I don't know any spells, area of effect or otherwise.

And I don't want to know any spells. [He adds. His Gallifreyan suspicion of magic runs deep.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Until there's evidence otherwise, I would assume that they can be killed in much the same way any other living thing can be killed.

[He glances at Boone's image on the communicator only briefly, his attention transfixed on the Prop. It's keeping very still now, and Narvin is staring at it with predatory focus. He wonders if he can stalk up upon it slowly and pounce.]

I just haven't been able to put that to the test yet.

[frontier_doktor]

No no nonono NEIN! [And Visscher is chasing after the pair of underwear down the hall, box abandoned for the moment.]