News Broadcast

[travelagency]

News for M5 D14 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. [Jeffers voice is measured and serious as he recites the newscast.] This is headline news: Two thousand causalities are being reported from the front lines of the most recent skirmish between the Kaiju and Arachnids. Combat was waged on the third moon of Pentalath. No other races were involved in the fight. The Arachnids bore the brunt of the causalities but still claim victory in this battle. The Kaiju are promising swift retaliation. The twenty-fourth Galactic Organization Summit is scheduled to begin in one week. Already delegates are converging on Quadratus to prepare for talks. With the recent mysterious disappearance of the Na’vi from Pandora, suspicions are running high as initial intelligence suggests that an operation of such scope could only have come from a planetary military. With this tragedy hanging over the proceedings, inside sources are expressing doubt that the summit will lead to any resolutions on the pressing political matters of the day. The agenda includes economic trade deals, discussion of sanctions and border reinforcement to contain the Kaiju-Arachnid war to sectors 983, 974, and 957, and continuing debate on expansion and exploration policies. The latter topic is expected to be particularly heated in the wake of the Na’vi disappearance as some expansionist supporters are already claiming that the apparent attack was arranged by the stasisist governments to discourage exploration by providing fear and distraction from the issues at hand. The talks are expected to address policies on not only exploration across unknown reaches of our own universe, but also exploration across other universes as well. Inside sources say that compromise is unlikely and that both the expansionist governments and stasisist governments have sworn to remain firm. The Stasisist Coalition has reiterated its threat that any attempt at expansion, even into unknown space, will be viewed as a breach of the 5847 Border Treaty and they will react with force accordingly. [Jeffers voice instantaneously switches from solemn to light.] Next up, the Neuralflu and how to avoid exposure to this inconvenient and sometimes embarrassing illness. Also social customs of varied species: could you be accidentally offending somebody you know? Stay tuned. But first, a word from our sponsor. Tired of stale freeze-dried grubs? Weary of draining soggy canned grubs and having only mush behind? Then try Greeeeep's Organic Home Grub Farm. Get back to nature and eat grubs the way they were meant to be eaten: fresh and wiggling. With Greeeeep's Organic Home Grub Farm you can grow wholesome fresh grubs, right in your own home. Greeeeep's Organic Home Grub Farm. ♫♪Make grubs tasty again.♬ In health news, once again at the height of the travel season, the Galactic Center for Disease Control would like to remind everyone to practice good hygiene. Wash your hands or other appendages frequently, mind your sneezes, get your inoculations, and remember your tinfoil hat and aspirin if you come down with a headache. This year, with discounts in commercial travel prices driving up holiday travel in addition to a large number of intergalactic conferences scheduled, the seasonal Neuralflu epidemic is more widespread than ever. For those new to the universe, the Neuralflu is a virus that originated in Vulcan telepaths but a mutation caused the virus to jump to Human telepaths. In the last decade it mutated further, rendering it contagious to all individuals, both telepaths and those without psychic abilities in all species. Highly emotional individuals are more prone to the virus than people with strong mental constitutions. Symptoms of the Neuralflu include headaches, sinus pressure, and a desaturation of colors. Those infected also become prone to psychic flatulence, colloquially known as "brainfarts", where someone in close proximity may occasionally hear one of your thoughts. The effects of psychic flatulence can be mitigated by the wearing of a tinfoil hat. To control the spread of the Neuralflu, those experiencing symptoms should stay home from work and treat the symptoms with mild pain-killers. The virus should run its course in a few days and the bearer would have seasonal immunity. To prevent yourself from catching the disease, it's advised that if you work in the food, legal or hospitality industry that you purchase a foil-lined hat to avoid the dispersal of important personal information. Daily life in Blackway is expected to be a little more tumultuous with the influx of spectators, journalists, and delegates during the negotiations. This has little to do with the ongoing galactic tensions but more to do with the lack of understanding between species. Security reports that one in three street brawls has been caused over a lack of understanding between cultures. With important political ambassadors taking up temporary residence in Blackstaff, it's more important than ever that citizens of Blackway pause to consider cultural greetings and misunderstandings. For instance, if a Klingon woman screams at you, she is probably asking you out on a date. If you're not interested politely reject her advances and walk away. Please note that if a Bylithocor roars loudly at you and spreads his claws, he is simply politely saying "hello". Offering to shake hands can be seen as flirting by a number of peoples, but humans usually mean nothing by it. Please check with our information network for more details about our visitors and their practices.

Comments

[what_ho_jeeves]

I say, was that what all the shouting and rageful cries were about? I had assumed, justifiably, I should think, that she was threatening to break my spine in five places. I am ashamed now to have hurt her feelings by running away.

[endsorrow]

Oh, dear. Perhaps you should seek her out and apologize?

[what_ho_jeeves]

You're absolutely right. It would go against the Wooster Code to leave her feeling rejected.

[No Bertie, don't get accidentally engaged to the Klingon woman.]

What is considered polite, vis a vis this beazel's culture? Is it expected that I shall scream back at her?

[endsorrow]

I'm afraid I can't say for certain. It'd be best if you do your research before going into it, though, so you don't end up in the middle of another miscommunication!

[what_ho_jeeves]

Excellent idea!

...


Considering the matter for a few moments, I have hit upon an obstacle or two. The first being: how would one go about doing that? The second, and equally pressing, is...wait...no...sorry, I've lost the second one.

[endsorrow]

That's quite alright. I'm sure it'll come back to you. [♥]

Hmmmm. Surely there is someone you may ask here about such matters. Perhaps one of the travel agents? They would have personal experience, I'm sure. Or perhaps there is a library?

[vengeance_driven]

I don't know. They don't seem to act weirder than anyone else I know. Maybe I just have the wrong friends.

[somepartsbroken]

No, they seem any stranger to me as well.

[vengeance_driven]

Sometimes you just have to shrug it off if someone restrains you when you come in their door. It's just the way things are.

[somepartsbroken]

Exactly, to do otherwise will just make one unnecessarily stressed and miss out on the fun of seeing why you must be restrained. [ He chuckled a bit at himself.]

[endsorrow]

Goodness, that is a happy little grub!

[Braska, you sound way too taken with that thing.]

[folkscallmewander]

It's adorable! How can they eat such a cute lil' critter?

[endsorrow]

Isn't it so? Ah, that is quite beyond me. But, I suppose, you do as you must to survive. Perhaps that is how it began.

[folkscallmewander]

One thin' I learned from travelin' is that different species need different food, so I'm guessin' that we have lotsa guests that eat 'em. Can't be too careful in a place like this!

[endsorrow]

Wise words, sir...? [He's fishing for a name.]

[folkscallmewander]

Oh, sorry! Name's Wander, traveler of the galaxy! [He tips his hat.] What's your name, sir?

[endsorrow]

No apology necessary. [Braska bows his head.] I am Braska, of Spira. It is a pleasure to meet you.

[folkscallmewander]

[Not realizing that maybe Braska doesn't do handshakes, Wander grabs his hand and firmly shakes it.]

Always nice to meet a new face!

Spira, huh? Never been to that planet!

[endsorrow]

[Braska is -- surprised, yes, let's go with that. Handshakes are less of a thing on Spira. Most of the time, people greeted each other with the prayer bow, if anything at all. But Braska just laughs as Wander shakes his hand, the novelty that it is to him.]

Perhaps for the best. Although we have many peoples in Spira, we have none that look as you do. Some might assume you were a fiend.

[folkscallmewander]

A fiend? Ya mean like a monster? Didn't think someone would ever feel that way 'bout me, 'less some of the species on Spira are real small, and in that case, I apologize!

[endsorrow]

Yes, indeed. And there are some fiends that are quite small.

Ah, you've done nothing to apologize for. Fear not. I've been here just long enough to adjust. Besides, I'm much more of the type to ask first.

[folkscallmewander]

Well, I speak from experience and I can affirm that sometimes tiny things can be dangerous, no matter how adorable they are.

But that is still no excuse for not askin' politely what they are!

[endsorrow]

If you asked far too many people of Spira, you would likely hear them say that it's a luxury most of them cannot afford to take, I'm afraid. It is a very dangerous world, even for those who live there.

It is a very beautiful world, all the same, though. But I would advise you wait a few years before you visited, just to be safe.

[folkscallmewander]

Dangerous? Is there somethin' happenin' on your planet and you need help with? If my best friend was with me, we could try to lend a hand with whatever yer doin'.

...but if it's goin' to be okay in a few years, does that mean that it's some sorta regular thing with the planet where it gets all dangerous for a while? We've been to some where the climate gets all different after some months.

[endsorrow]

[Something happens here to Braska's expression. His smile doesn't falter, per se, but it...

...

Pauses.

And then it softens, and he's lowering his head.]

No. The true danger... has passed. There's nothing you nor I could do to help them now. The people of Spira have the opportunity to learn, and grow, and I have faith that they will find their way, no matter the obstacles that stand in their way. [His hands lift reflexively, the beginning of a motion engrained into Braska since he was very small, but he simply tucks his hands into his sleeves.]

But in a few years, I believe you will find they will be more... open-minded, and less on edge.

[folkscallmewander]

[ As Braska speaks, Wander's face has an expression of...confusion? disappointment? His stances slowly loosens when he's told that he won't be able to help.]

But wouldn't it be nice if someone was there to help them after all their hard times? We wouldn't jus' stay there and do nothin', 'specially if things are okay.

[Because everyone can't be a terrible person, so it should be perfectly safe to go there if you're friendly enough, right?]

[endsorrow]

[Braska's expression loosens, too, relaxing into genuine gentleness again.]

Someone is there to help them. [Yeah, Braska, your daughter.] They will help each other. I believe in their strength.

[And this time? Braska doesn't stop himself. He performs the prayer.] Have faith.

[folkscallmewander]

Oh gosh, that flu sure doesn't sound lot a lotta fun.

Probably got enough emeralds to run to the store for some foil and make a buncha hats for y'all and m'self.