News Broadcast

[travelagency]

News for M5 D14 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. [Jeffers voice is measured and serious as he recites the newscast.] This is headline news: Two thousand causalities are being reported from the front lines of the most recent skirmish between the Kaiju and Arachnids. Combat was waged on the third moon of Pentalath. No other races were involved in the fight. The Arachnids bore the brunt of the causalities but still claim victory in this battle. The Kaiju are promising swift retaliation. The twenty-fourth Galactic Organization Summit is scheduled to begin in one week. Already delegates are converging on Quadratus to prepare for talks. With the recent mysterious disappearance of the Na’vi from Pandora, suspicions are running high as initial intelligence suggests that an operation of such scope could only have come from a planetary military. With this tragedy hanging over the proceedings, inside sources are expressing doubt that the summit will lead to any resolutions on the pressing political matters of the day. The agenda includes economic trade deals, discussion of sanctions and border reinforcement to contain the Kaiju-Arachnid war to sectors 983, 974, and 957, and continuing debate on expansion and exploration policies. The latter topic is expected to be particularly heated in the wake of the Na’vi disappearance as some expansionist supporters are already claiming that the apparent attack was arranged by the stasisist governments to discourage exploration by providing fear and distraction from the issues at hand. The talks are expected to address policies on not only exploration across unknown reaches of our own universe, but also exploration across other universes as well. Inside sources say that compromise is unlikely and that both the expansionist governments and stasisist governments have sworn to remain firm. The Stasisist Coalition has reiterated its threat that any attempt at expansion, even into unknown space, will be viewed as a breach of the 5847 Border Treaty and they will react with force accordingly. [Jeffers voice instantaneously switches from solemn to light.] Next up, the Neuralflu and how to avoid exposure to this inconvenient and sometimes embarrassing illness. Also social customs of varied species: could you be accidentally offending somebody you know? Stay tuned. But first, a word from our sponsor. Tired of stale freeze-dried grubs? Weary of draining soggy canned grubs and having only mush behind? Then try Greeeeep's Organic Home Grub Farm. Get back to nature and eat grubs the way they were meant to be eaten: fresh and wiggling. With Greeeeep's Organic Home Grub Farm you can grow wholesome fresh grubs, right in your own home. Greeeeep's Organic Home Grub Farm. ♫♪Make grubs tasty again.♬ In health news, once again at the height of the travel season, the Galactic Center for Disease Control would like to remind everyone to practice good hygiene. Wash your hands or other appendages frequently, mind your sneezes, get your inoculations, and remember your tinfoil hat and aspirin if you come down with a headache. This year, with discounts in commercial travel prices driving up holiday travel in addition to a large number of intergalactic conferences scheduled, the seasonal Neuralflu epidemic is more widespread than ever. For those new to the universe, the Neuralflu is a virus that originated in Vulcan telepaths but a mutation caused the virus to jump to Human telepaths. In the last decade it mutated further, rendering it contagious to all individuals, both telepaths and those without psychic abilities in all species. Highly emotional individuals are more prone to the virus than people with strong mental constitutions. Symptoms of the Neuralflu include headaches, sinus pressure, and a desaturation of colors. Those infected also become prone to psychic flatulence, colloquially known as "brainfarts", where someone in close proximity may occasionally hear one of your thoughts. The effects of psychic flatulence can be mitigated by the wearing of a tinfoil hat. To control the spread of the Neuralflu, those experiencing symptoms should stay home from work and treat the symptoms with mild pain-killers. The virus should run its course in a few days and the bearer would have seasonal immunity. To prevent yourself from catching the disease, it's advised that if you work in the food, legal or hospitality industry that you purchase a foil-lined hat to avoid the dispersal of important personal information. Daily life in Blackway is expected to be a little more tumultuous with the influx of spectators, journalists, and delegates during the negotiations. This has little to do with the ongoing galactic tensions but more to do with the lack of understanding between species. Security reports that one in three street brawls has been caused over a lack of understanding between cultures. With important political ambassadors taking up temporary residence in Blackstaff, it's more important than ever that citizens of Blackway pause to consider cultural greetings and misunderstandings. For instance, if a Klingon woman screams at you, she is probably asking you out on a date. If you're not interested politely reject her advances and walk away. Please note that if a Bylithocor roars loudly at you and spreads his claws, he is simply politely saying "hello". Offering to shake hands can be seen as flirting by a number of peoples, but humans usually mean nothing by it. Please check with our information network for more details about our visitors and their practices.