resort_link | Niko Bellic

Entry tags:

Niko Bellic | Network 003

[Public | Video]

[Once Niko's comfortably back in his home (because he had to check on his beast, which is scarfing food in the background and his big giant hound is sniffing at it like nothing at all was wrong in the past day), Niko decides to let people know he's alive.]

[He's so angry that he flipped Jeffer's network sensor on by accident. So his swears get replaced by madlib holes of hateful silence. He's still dirty, and tired, and looks like he's ready to tear off someone's face.]

What is that ▬▬▬ English saying about death being exaggerated. Yeah. Something like that.

I know a certain traitorous piece of ▬▬▬ I would like a word with, though. Where are you?! You ▬▬▬ coward son of a ▬▬▬! I'm going to find you even if you don't tell me, so might as well make this easy and not make me any more ▬▬▬ off, ▬▬▬.

[He doesn't actually stick around. He's seen turning it off and leaving. He'll be back later. But he's too pissed.]

OOC: All responses on the network will be after the actual spam thread. No worries, he's not actually going to do anything. He's leaving that to other people.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He rubs his thumbs at the sides of Boone's neck, letting himself be calmed by his friend's presence. He's normally not this prone to getting close to another man- he'd much rather shove them as far away as possible. But Boone is safe, he knows him to be safe, and right now? He needs safe above all else. Someone that won't be terribly judgmental.]

I'm not smarter than you. You know a lot of things, too. [He firmly believes this. Boone can't rewire a car but he'd beat a lot of people at handling a gun.]

[He tips his head just the slightest bit, nudging Boone's nose with his own as if that would be some sort of reassurance in what he just said. But then he seems to realize something, and his stomach knots up. He loosens his grip, rolls onto his back, and presses the heels of his hands roughly into his own forehead.] I think I could use some vodka now.

[At least his mind is off the betrayal of his friend for a microsecond.]

[As much as he tried not to tense up with Niko so close, he still feels himself relaxing when Niko rolls away and puts some space between them. He sits up, frowning to himself, and shifts off the bed.]

...Yeah.

[Alcohol. Right. Probably a good idea. He goes to get them both a glass, but then hovers awkwardly at the edge of the bed again. He doesn't know if Niko is going to get up or not.]

You staying there?

[He sits up slowly, with all the grace of the undead, his hands still against his forehead.]

I'm up.

[He's not moving to a chair, though. He's still sitting there, and whenever Boone turns away he crosses his arms so tightly it looks more like he's shielding or hugging himself than being any sort of casual.]

[Well, if Niko is staying there then he might as well sit back down. He keeps some space between them this time, pouring them both a glass and setting the bottle on the bedside table. When he hands the glass over, he's more aware than usual of their hands overlapping, and awkwardly takes a sip of his drink.

Shit. He doesn't know what to say.]

[He sits with the vodka in one hand once it's given to him, again moving. This time to rub his hand down his face. He doesn't mind the silence, and as if he can tell that Boone is looking for something to say, he eventually just shakes his head with his hand over his eyes.]

[There's really not anything that could be said to make that better. Maybe he should just be glad they didn't hurt his hound, or burn down his home, or kill his friends. Maybe he should just be glad of that. That makes being fucked over okay, right? That makes it acceptable to be walked on.]

[His pride is no longer worth retaliation. As much as he likes the idea of the Orions or Una getting back at him, there's nothing that can really be done for him. Belloq isn't sorry. He's never going to be sorry. He's never going to regret losing him, and there's nothing Niko can ever do to change that.]

[Niko only uncovers his face long enough to down that whole glass of vodka. He doesn't mind the space now. He made it uncomfortable before. Too desperate, too clingy, like some kid that wanted to be protected from the people that might hurt him, the people he's supposed to trust.]

[He watches Niko struggle with himself before chugging his vodka. Wordlessly, he takes the bottle and fills his glass again. He's still not sure what to say. All he knows is that Niko doesn't want to be alone right now, and making him feel awkward about what just happened isn't going to help. He stares down at his glass, then takes a bigger mouthful.]

Carla, she...

[He sighs through his nose. When he speaks, he's quieter. The memory is still painful, but maybe Niko needs to know. He knows what Niko is going through, in some way. Maybe he won't feel so alone. Or hell, maybe this won't help at all. He trusts Niko enough to talk about it, though.]

I was on guard duty. Worked nights. Came home one morning to find her gone. Knew something was wrong. Managed to track her down to a place called Cottonwood Cove. Got cliffs all around it, so I could see what was going on through my scope without getting spotted. Legion was there, and a bunch of slaves. They were selling her.

[He takes another drink. Stares down into it.]

Too many of them. Couldn't get help. By the time I found enough people and got back, they would've been long gone. I'd never see her again. And the way the Legion treats women... already knew what life was gonna be like for her. For...

[For their unborn child. He can't seem to get those words out, though.]

Couldn't save her. Did the only thing I could to make sure she wouldn't suffer.

[He feels like he's talking a lot, but it's hard to get to the point when you have to explain how you made the hardest decision of your life. The point isn't that he made it, though. The point is why he had to.]

Someone sold her to the Legion. Someone we both knew. Told them when I worked, and how to get to our room without being spotted. They only took Carla. Spent months not knowing who, didn't trust anyone anymore. People stopped talking to me. Only looked at me when they thought I wasn't looking at them. Probably wouldn't have found out who it was if Elle hadn't showed up. Turns out it was the mayor. Everyone figured she was just this kind old lady. Didn't like the way Carla talked about her town, so she sold her to the Legion and covered it up.

[He goes quiet for a moment, draining his glass.]

Couldn't do what you did. Killed her as soon as I found out. Then I left.

[Slaves. Niko's reminded of Bulgarin, of the things he used to do. Niko had to make the hard decision a long time ago that he loves his mother more than strangers, that he couldn't care sometimes. But that doesn't make what the man did right and it doesn't make this any more right. He's sad for Boone for having gone through it, and honestly he can understand why he did- what they would have done to her would have been terrible.]

[And he knows the story of Boone's child, his lost child. Knowing it's by his hand as well, it's obviously going to be excruciating for him for the rest of his life.]

[But the story continues, and his hand drops away so he can watch Boone as he talks about the town mayor and what she cost him, what she gave away (sold) that was never hers in the first place.]

...I found the man that killed my friends, I left him alive. I didn't feel gratified. Or closure. I murdered the man that tried to kill me and my cousin, that destroyed our home and tried to ruin me and my friends. A fucking rat. I felt closure, because I knew things were over after that. Not because I killed him, but because I wanted it to be the last.

But his partner killed Kate.

So I'm not sure if what I did was right. I just know nothing feels resolved. I let him go on that street, and he told me he never could have trusted me to stay alive, or to be there for him. It wasn't a decision that he regretted.

[He slumps where he's sitting, glass loose in his hand as he holds it by the rim. He guesses he knows who his real friend is, which should be worth more than it feels like right now.] I'm sorry. For what happened to you. It is good to have someone that understands, but I wish you didn't have to. [He means it. To Niko, he just felt pretty safe getting up in Boone's face. He's felt safe sharing his space for months now, sleeping in his proximity. Any guy that didn't make him defensive, that is that easy to be around, is doubly tragic in going through a rough life.]

[He says of a man that he just saw hold a machete to his former friend's throat.]

[Niko would nudge Boone's shoulder, but the space has been made and it feels a little strange to breach it again. So he lifts the glass to him as a gesture of thanks and drinks some more. He needs it. They probably both do, now.]

[He nods a little, pouring himself another drink.]

Thought I'd feel more when I killed her. I didn't, though. Nothing changed. Carla was still dead. Was glad she got what was coming, but it didn't feel like revenge.

[Revenge would have been wiping out the Legion. At the very least, he wanted Caesar and Lanius dead. Those wishes were never granted, though.]

Wish I didn't have to understand, too. You're not alone, though. Might feel that way, but... you're not.

You are trusting me with a lot right now. [He continues to turn the glass in his fingers, thinking carefully on what he's about to ask. He's not sure, but after what Belloq said-]

Should we try to trust each other to live? That is why Belloq said that he knew he could not depend on me. I cannot promise I will make perfect choices. I actually make pretty poor ones. But I would like to think if we helped each other, we could both live.

[Even if they didn't want to, not really.]

It might make it easier in the long run if we know someone will be there for us. It may take a little intervention but... I would ah... like to have someone not to lose. To not lose. To be there. [His English fails him slightly, because it's a nervous question to ask of a friend, especially when someone barely clings to his own life these days and when he lives, it's mostly out of spite.]

I know. Only other person who knows what really happened to Carla is Elle. But... you're my friend. You get it. And I trust you.

[It takes a lot for Boone to trust someone like this, but they've been good friends for months now. He considers the question for a few moments before answering. He wants to believe Niko could survive him. After all, Elle has so far. He's still afraid that one day fate will come to take it all away, though. That fear shows on his face, just a little.]

You don't think making a promise like that is asking for trouble?

I'm afraid that... ah... that you're ah... [He huffs a breath out, his cheeks puffing with it.] That you will-

[That he'll leave if he gets too scared that Niko will die. He doesn't think he'll betray him, not like Belloq did, but what if Boone just flat out gives up on him? What if his friend goes away?]

[He needs to find those words. He needs to ask but even decent Serbian ones are spilling out of his head right then. Even a translator would have trouble.]

I'm sorry. Nevermind. I'm stupid. [He puts down the glass finally and rubs his temple.] Stupid and needy. [He draws in a shaky breath.] But I will try anyway.

You're not stupid.

[He says it firmly, turning around to face Niko a little better.]

You can tell me. If you want. Not gonna think it's stupid.

[He'll be fine if Niko doesn't want to say anything now, but he also doesn't want him to be afraid to say what he's thinking.]

[He sits there, hands loosely in his lap, considering how to ask, how to proceed. He wants to say it, but it's so hard. Because Boone is right, he's worried he'll jinx it. And even if Boone is better facing him, Niko can't look at him quite yet. He seems more interested in the frayed fabric at the cut fingers of his gloves.]

[Niko licks his lips and purses them.]

I ah...

[No, it's stupid and moronic and he shouldn't have to ask another man for this shit. It's bullshit. What sort of coward has he become that he needs this? Maybe it's better if he doesn't. If he has no ties, maybe giving up will be easier one day.]

I worry that ah... if you give up on me... I give up on me. [It's going to actually take another moment for him to look at Boone.] Sorry. Sorry. It isn't your fault. He gave me a heavy head. You shouldn't have to deal with it.

[It's a lot to ask of someone, but Boone doesn't think it makes him stupid or needy. He shakes his head, then looks down at his glass again.]

If it wasn't for Elle, I probably wouldn't be here right now. When we met, I was in pretty bad shape. She helped me. Stuck around even when I was being difficult. She didn't give up on me. I'm not gonna give up on you.

[He can't be as optimistic as Elle was, or give Niko good advice for when he's feeling down. He can stick around and be company for him, though. And he's always been good at listening.]

[Niko stares at Boone, gaze meeting his at first, and then his eyes trail down. Not far. But he just stares lower, like he's thinking about something. It feels less awkward now, with those words. And the space seems to make it alright.]

[He picks his drink back up, takes a sip, and looks down at it with the slightest edge of a smile. He doesn't even look mean with it.]

[Boone may be good at listening, but whatever thought Niko had goes unspoken, just leaving that faint smile and a renewed interest in his drink. In any case, he thinks it's a good thing to hear right then.]

[The smile is enough to tell Boone that Niko believes him, even if he didn't say anything. He gets that he needed to hear it, but he wouldn't have promised anything if he knew he didn't mean it. He's glad he could truthfully tell him that he'd be there for him. He doesn't ask if Niko will do the same for him. He's pretty sure he will.]

You staying here tonight?

[He figures he probably will be, but he'll ask anyway. Before they both get too drunk.]

Yes. I think I will.

[But rather than drinking more, he finished with that one glass and puts it off to the side. He feels like he's had enough. He worries he'll do something genuinely stupid if he has too much more.]

[He arches an eyebrow when Niko sets his glass to one side. They don't generally stop at just a couple of glasses, and his first instinct is to think something is wrong.]

Not feeling too good?

[Maybe he should've given him some water after all. Or maybe something to eat.]

[He shakes his head.]

No, I'm worried I'll make a mistake if I get too drunk. That I will do something I really will regret.

[Not killing Belloq- he can't imagine he'll regret that.]

Like what?

[He's not sure what Niko could do here that he'd regret, so he's kind of thinking along the lines of him going out to kill Belloq after all. He's not sure he'd actually regret that, though.]

[This is even harder than the admissions before. And he finds that no matter how hard he tries, he can't admit the thought. Not yet anyway. So he just reaches over to briefly squeeze Boone's wrist in thanks for his time and patience, his loyalty, things that he really needs right now, and starts to take off his shoes.]

There are things I should talk to you about later. It is important that they stay between us.

But I don't want to discuss them right now. I just want to be safe in here with you.

[He hesitates for a moment, then nods. If Niko doesn't want to discuss it, he won't make him.]

Okay.

[He finishes his vodka and eyes the bottle. If Niko doesn't want to drink anymore, he probably should stop too. He won't be much help if he's drunk. He sets his glass beside the vodka, and sits on the bed cross-legged, facing Niko.]

You sure you don't want anything else?

[He's fussing a little, but only because he's sure being locked in a temple for hours isn't good for you.]

[He finishes with his shoes, and he realizes that yes, he's been in the temple for hours and hours and hours and he's not had them off since he left with Belloq. It's a strange thing to find relief in, just taking off his shoes. Like one more reminder that he's finally out.]

[He notices that Boone is sitting facing him, and not drinking. He knows how much he likes drinking, and after what he told him he almost wants to encourage him to. He's not the same type of alcoholic his father was.]

[But instead he just looks at him.]

I had another stupid thought. But I think it's because I'm sad. [He shrugs dismissively.] I ran out of angry, and then I was sad, and then you started to make me feel better and I don't know. It's probably... ah... not exactly the right thought for me to have.

It doesn't even make sense. I don't think that way. But I trust you to not to punch me in the face out of nowhere. Not like with most men.

[He's rambling now. It's actually really hard to get around to. And he's worried about how much he'll say. The worst result would be getting kicked out for the night.]

Maybe I was a little afraid, too. [Maybe he was a lot afraid, not of the Orions but of dying alone and lost, and that helped egg on his rage.]

[Boone is having a hard time following what Niko is saying. He watches him speak with his head tilted slightly to one side, looking a strange mix of confused and concerned. Well, he can at least promise him one thing.]

I wouldn't hit you. Not sure why you think I would.

[He generally doesn't punch his friends.]

Think I'd be afraid, too. If I wasn't sure anyone was coming for me. Being alone in there, thinking you're gonna die, gives you way too much time to think about it.

[And way too much time to think about all the mistakes you made in life.]

[It is hard to follow. He's dancing around the point as if it's lava, and now Boone is for all the world looking at him like Rex looks at Pas when Pas has eaten too much. Which, really, doesn't help Niko feel better.]

I don't think you would. Which is the point, I think. You're better than most.

[He barely stops himself from going off on some tangent about Boone not being particularly pretty or anything (because he's not) so he knows it's not that. But at least there's one thing he does understand.]

Yeah. That was pretty heavy on my mind. But I kept getting madder, the more I sit there. The moment I stopped was when you came in. So if is okay, I'd ah... I'd like to ah...

[Shit. He wipes his hand over his face. Then motions with both hands at Boone.]

[And no words are coming out of his mouth.]

[This is going to take a lot of strength. Strength he doesn't know if he has. Maybe he shouldn't have taken his shoes off. He might need to make a quick getaway.]

I thought for a moment... that ah... kissing you would feel pretty good. Because I've not kissed someone that really cared in years. It didn't even matter that you are a man. [Not even Kate, whose biggest gesture of affection was a kiss on the cheek. But once the words are out they hurt. He realizes how distanced he's been from any sort of remotely healthy relationship. Most has been either sex he's paid for or hateful women he kept for the false companionship.]

Pretty embarrassing. When you realize something like that.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject