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[Bertie's never quite had it sink in that texts are not like telegrams. So he writes them in a way that's familiar to him.]

WHAT HO STOP

ALL IS OOJAH CUM SPIFF STOP

HAVE A NEW HAT FROM THE METROP AND HOSTILE SKELETON WHATSITS WHO TOOK UMBRIDGE TO MY OLD HAT ARE GONE STOP

CHAOS OF BEFORE SEEMED TO HAVE STOPPED STOP

I WAS AFRAID I WOULD NEED TO STOP MY MORNING PERAMBULATIONS BUT THERE SEEMS NO NEED NOW TO STOP STOP

SO I SHALL NOT STOP STOP

TOODLE PIP STOP

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